walk around in circles, walk around in circles. . . but i find my self doing that sometimes.
times when there's so much to do and so little time (and when i get really tired) i'll head towards one project, and on the way there remember another project, and on the way to that one remember another one . . .then i realize i haven't done anything.
feeling that hopeless feeling again.
i hope i don't bring anybody else down with this one, but it's starting to set in that no matter what i do, i will not be able to fix anything. i want to help the poor, but i will never be able to give enough money. same goes for all of the other things that need money to fix them. that's where it starts . ..(try to keep up with the leaping thoughts)then the thought moves to why try to gain a greater sense of truth by discussing things with people? it won't fix anything. then the thought moves to why vote? it won't fix anything. why get off my damn couch? if i sit here, at least i won't be able to make it worse. or is that the attitude that actually makes it worse?
ignorance (aka. simplicity) truly is bliss. maybe it's time to sell the computers and find a nice amish community to join.
i wonder if Luther, King, or Mother Teresa ever felt like this.
what to do now? do we discuss with the "president" of the congregation we were once a part of to see if what we said before we left has made a difference? what if it did make a differnce? would we be able to present ourselves in such a way that others would come to simillar conclusions? do we keep on keepin on and look for a place where we "fit in"? do we attack? do we even have the right answers? is there such a thing as the "right" answer?
hmm . . . maybe i shouldn't blog just before bed.
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5 comments:
Ok, this might sound like more Chicken Poop for the Soul, but I think it applies here.
The combination of a tropical storm and an unusually high overnight tide deposited millions of starfish on a particular beach. Without another high tide to rescue them, the stranded creatures were doomed to dehydrate and perish.
An elderly gentleman discovered the starfish littering the shore when he came for his morning walk. Calmly, he began to pick up the starfish, one by one, and toss them into the surf. A young man, walking in the other direction, observed the futility of the old man's bid to save the starfish.
In an attempt to save the old man from discouragement, the younger fellow offered his advice, "Sir, your sentiment is admirable. But why waste your time? There are too many starfish here to save. What you're doing won't really make any difference."
The man looked thoughtfully at the shoreline, then reached down and picked up another starfish. As he tossed it into the ocean, he replied, "Well, it made a difference to that one."
It's easy to become overwhelmed by the magnitude of the needs around us, and the futility of our efforts to meet them. You can't help everybody, but you can help one, then another, then another.
You're a good man. I admire your heart. Keep plugging.
and thus, the heart of evangelicalism: the greater good is really just individuals, so don't bother with the greater good, just help each individual.
Here's some more chicken poop for the soul:
This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done
Here's what happens to me when I get on this train of thought:
I find I often have this desire to save the world... but I fall into the trap you mentioned here: I want it to be ME who saves the world. I don't want God to use me for little things; I tell myself I'm too good for that and He should use me for grand and wonderful things. My ego tells me that I should be out solving the big problems and having everyone look up to me for my greatness. My pride says I should fix everything, and that anyone who doesn't fall in line with my gameplan is a loser.
But that's just because of my own foolishness and selfishness. (I'd imagine every great leader but Jesus has felt something similar -- from Abraham to MLK, all were humans with the same sinfulness and the same pride I have.)
If I was the guy in the parable of the talents who got only one, I'd have spent my whole time complaining that if God had just given me the ten talents I could've done great things. "Darn it, Lord, I want to be out there doubling ten talents, not just one. This is a waste of time! I should be doing so much more!"
But God won't give me the big things I want to take the credit for. Instead, He keeps throwing me little things and telling me to be faithful with them. He doesn't give me Bill Gates' fortune and an army of homeless; He gives me a grad-school paycheck and a friend who needs moved from one shelter to another. And sometimes, I wise up enough to see what He wants me to do, instead of spending my time thinking of the great things I want to be known for doing.
Maybe you're different -- maybe you're the one God has called to do great things that everyone will see. Or maybe you're like me, needing the same encouragement I so often need to just keep plugging away. If that's so, stay faithful with the little things, and if you need help or encouragement don't hesitate to ask.
----
As for the former church: I don't know what you said before you left, and I don't want to presume too much. But I do know there are a lot of people who don't affirm the pastor's vision, including me. I don't know what to do either -- do I speak my mind on what I think the church should be doing? Does what I think even make sense? Should I leave and look for a new place? Should I stay and try to do what little I can? I don't know. It's a lot harder without having a small group to bounce ideas off of...
I'm not saying to ignore the big picture in favor of individual ministry. There are some people who are positioned to make a "greater good" type of difference, and those people have an obligation to do so.
However, there are a great many people who have this sort of global vision and fail to see the needs right next to them. It's a trick of the devil (so to speak), to get us to tilt at windmills and waste our local usefulness.
I may have strayed from the point of the topic. Sorry.
thanks for the support.
dorsey, i would have to agree that i get bogged down with the forest that i can't see the trees (or the nearby glade, as it were) . . .i think both of the stories fit nicely, actually.
lothar, i'm more the willing to bounce ideas around with what to try. have you started a post on this topic over at your site? (i checked the other day, but didn't see it)
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